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everlasting-rissa.blogspot.com

Hey there! Welcome to my blog! This is my personal page where I talk about what's been going on in life. I talk A LOT.

Just want the gist of things? Head over to my tumblr page--> Above the Stars

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This is just a personal way to express my thoughts/feelings/whatever I feel like sharing. Thanks for dropping by- feel free to leave a comment in my cbox!

inspiration

1 John 4:10-12, 16b

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think about such things.

the summer of up's and down's

Wednesday, July 13, 2011/ 2:34 PM

I don't think I've had a summer like this in nearly...5 years.

The past few summers have been good. Predictable. Constant. I knew what to expect, everything went according to plan. I had summer jobs. I knew when I would be going on vacation.

This summer? Totally opposite. There have been wonderful moments in my summer, but it's just been characterized by so much UNKNOWN. Maybe it's because I've really stepped out of the box this year, but it seems like a combination of uncharted waters, and sailing through a fog of uncertainty. This time I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not even sure if I've made it half way. All I can do is keep walking forward, hoping not to stumble and fall, and praying that there is indeed, a way out into light and happiness for me.

Let me recap.
MAY:
- I was in summer school taking ASL 111/112. Positive thing.
- I still had to work at Yamaha. Not so positive thing.
- Worked out at least 3-4 times a week. Positive thing.

JUNE:
- finished up ASL 112. Very positive thing, mostly because I got an A+, and also because I was getting tired of being in summer school for 6 straight weeks.
- finished up the school teaching year at Yamaha. Positive thing, because they finally corrected my pay and I got paid for all those make-up lessons and crap.
- applied for a whole bunch of summer jobs at optometrist's clinics and hospitals. Was rejected every single time. Very un-positive.
- watched my sister graduate from Junior High. Positive, but kind of a given. You'd have to screw up jr. high really badly not to make it to high school.
- finally got two job offers, one as a receptionist and only for 6 weeks, and the other as a casual service aid worker at RAH in the NARP dialysis unit. POSITIVE, with a dash of AMEN LORD
- turned down the receptionist position because it paid less, and was only a short term position. I thought this was positive, cause I thought I was being all wise, and thinking long term etc. etc.
- Oilers drafted Ryan Nugent-Hopkins with the first overall draft pick. POSITIVE. Oilers rebuilding is A GO.

Which brings me to JULY:
- Had a blast Canada Day long weekend. Hung out with friends, ate lots, got fat, the whole kaboodle. positive, of course.
- First Aid/CPR/AED training in preparation for the hospital job. Positive. I've been wanting to get my First Aid certification for a while.
- Volunteered for my genetics TA in her lab for three weeks. Positive, cuz it gave me something to do other than sit on my ass all day at home. Not-so-positive, bc I don't have volunteering anymore...
- Hung out with my best friends on several occasions. Got to catch up with what's going on in their lives, and all the drama that is definitely non-existent in my own life. Positive.
- Started a Harry Potter marathon to prepare for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PT. 2. GUYS I AM SO EXCITED. POSITIVE. But also slightly not positive, because the end of the Harry Potter movies marks the end of my childhood. And the end of a ten-year dynasty. At least there's still POTTERMORE....
- Saw Transformers 3...I guess any excuse to hang out with friends, and see a movie is positive.
- And then...I got my job offer retracted. I was supposed to begin training in a couple weeks, followed by working full time in August. I was SO EXCITED. And then now it's not going to happen. Here I am, sitting halfway through summer, with nothing to do, no job, and no money to go out and do things. THIS NEGATES ALL POSITIVES GAINED THROUGH AFFIRMATION OF SUMMER JOBS AND INCOME.
- One of the families at my church was suddenly suffered a whole bunch of medical emergencies. I was supposed to hang out with my friend for her birthday but she was busy, and now she's been in and out of the ER, and only just recently come off the IV. VERY SCARY NOT-POSITIVE.
- My family is starting to visit other churches AGAIN. I'm getting really tired of not being able to find a permanent church home. It's either we aren't welcome, or we aren't being spiritually fed, or we just don't belong. And I'm tired of it. NEGATIVE.

So here I am, jobless, with nothing to do, I've stopped volunteering for the summer, and not much social interaction. I don't even have the money to go buy a gym membership and work out and just DO SOMETHING WITH MYSELF. I at least can catch up on Bible reading and Bible study, but I really don't think I'll be doing that ALL DAY, EVERYDAY.

I know I have to just trust God and wait to see what His purpose for all this is. But not gonna lie, I'm frustrated and I'm upset. It's too late to apply for another summer job, because public school let out two weeks ago, so all the high school kids would have snatched up whatever summer positions were left open. It's too late to apply for another summer course, so I can't even get ahead in school and get another degree requirement crossed off my list. It's too late to find a volunteer job that I would enjoy, because I'm gone the last week of August, when all the festivals in Edmonton kind of cumulate. And I don't have the money to go and enjoy all the activities going on, because I have no job.

I am not the kind of person who is happy with sitting at home all the time. I always have to be doing SOMETHING. I've been brought up to be busy. I'm either in school full time, working as much as I can, volunteering in between, or doing some kind of course to further myself.

So even though I realize that God may be telling me to just take a summer off, I don't like it. The real world doesn't appreciate it if I've been idle for a summer, not doing something to pad my resume, or get work experience. Plus, I don't exactly have the mental capacity to meditate all day or something. So yes, I'll have plenty of time for spiritual development, and I'll have plenty of time to spend with God's word and in prayer, which is a very good thing, but I've already been so restless at home. I feel like I'm even more caged now. And I want out.

So that's the end of my rant. I'm currently listening to the Backstreet Boys, reminiscing about how beautiful and carefree my summers were as an innocent child in the 90s.

I guess I know what I have to take away from all this. It came to me summed up in Psalm 46.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

- Psalm 46: 1-3, 10